And now, released to the public for the first time, having been awaited anxiously by numberless hapless folks who want to know what to expect when traveling to Bolgatanga, the Dailey blog proudly presents:
Rachel’s Tips for Troubled Travelers
1) Take a car. Trust me: you’ll get there faster. Not to mention cars are more maneuverable and can avoid proportionally more potholes.
2) Ladies, wear a skirt. It makes potty stops faster and allows you perform under certain (ahem) circumstances things that would be extremely difficult, not to mention embarrassing, while wearing pants.
3) Count the mosques! They are everywhere and pretty easy to spot. There’s a fairly large one in Tamale, but most of them are tiny; sometimes there will be one on either side of the road (so you don’t have to cross the street.) I counted 32 on the way down.
4) Open your eyes. The countryside is beautiful and the culture is everywhere. Don’t stay cocooned in your self-pity and boredom. Wave to the people, buy some bananas from the street vendors, engage with the world outside your windows.
5) Disregard Tip #4. There are things you don’t want to see—like streakers running across the highway and dead donkeys in the middle of the road.
6) Play chicken with oncoming traffic. This may not be exactly enjoyable, but it does get the adrenaline flowing. Another, similar game with the same effect is called “Dodge-Goats-That-Wander-Onto-the-Road-and-Then-Watch-You-Unconcernedly-As-You-Barrel-Toward-Them-Blaring-the-Horn.”
7) Remember: A rest stop is not a dog. It will not always come when nature calls. Treat them as golden opportunities.
8) Relax! Stressing and worrying won’t get you there any faster. And whiplash from oversized bumps in the road is less severe when you aren’t tensed up, waiting for them to happen (not that they aren’t inevitable). Chill out and think about something else—like the fact that you’ll be doing this all over again the day after tomorrow.
9) Don’t panic. Your competent driver is just as good at dodging flying strips of rubber from the tire that burnt out in the truck in front of you as he is at swerving around potholes. And passing three major accidents within 10 minutes of each other is no cause for alarm either; that is, as long as your driver is also smart enough not to pass when he can’t see what’s coming the other way.
10) Learn the language of the horn. Translating it can be quite entertaining! Here are a few common phrases to get you started.
~One or two short beeps: A term of politeness. Can be used as “Thank you,” or “Pardon me,” depending on the situation.
~One longer beep: A more emphatic request, such as “Excuse me, but you’re driving about 80 miles under the speed limit and I can’t see around you because your truck is so overloaded. Could you help me out here?”
~Many short beeps in rapid succession: An attention getter. Usually means “Hey! I’m passing you! Don’t run me off the road!”
~Many short beeps and long beeps used interchangeably: Used in emergencies or situations when politeness is either impossible or not required. Some examples:
-Don’t even THINK about cutting me off!
-Someone get that kid out of the street!
-Seriously, what’s the deal here? Don’t you know what right-of-way means?
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